Nobody warned me about the noises

Call for Submissions

WASH is in the process of putting together a new zine issue! (Currently we have
two issues out which you can get more information about here)

We want this issue to be filled by experience-based pieces about the funny/awkward/odd parts of sex that nobody talks about (and by sex, of course, we are referring to any and all of its gazillion variations and definitions). Among other things, this was inspired by something a mortified friend said to one of us shortly after she began having sex with a partner: "NOBODY WARNED ME ABOUT THE NOISES!!!!"

I think that sums up a lot about what we want to do with this.

Anyway, basically we want to discuss all the cringing and sloppiness and flopping and awkwardness that really plays a part of any kind of sex. As we mentioned, this zine is going to be largely based on personal/experience pieces and so, we are looking for you to submit stories, poetry, art, anything that you feel is relevant and you feel comfortable sharing. We welcome anonymous entries - please specify whether you want your name/information disclosed with your submission.

Please send submissions, inquiries, anything to:
w_a_s_h_@hotmail.com

If you don't feel comfortable using your own e-mail address, feel free to access our anonymous e-mail account and send your submission through there:
id: washanonymous@hotmail.com
password: secret

*Please type "Submission: nobody warned me" in the subject field.

- Vivian

Sex gender body

A friend of mine sent me a link to http://sexgenderbody.com/

"a direct, honest and respectful conversation about sex, gender & body".

There are some really great articles to read. Check it out!

Event: Orgasm for Peace!

I came across this group on facebook called orgasm for peace.

Click here to be directed to the group.

I think that it's a great idea. My only criticism of the group/event description is that it was said that war is about "men trying impress their potential mates". I think that ideas of masculinity and femininity are central to militarism and war, but I think that it's much more complicated than men and their alleged "mating habits". Regardless, I hope that many of you will be having an orgasm on the first day of winter (December 21st) and thinking of peace.

Adapting Sex Toys

I came across this information from about.com which outlines ways to make sex/masturbation easier for persons with disabilities:

To give you a place to start, there are two general kinds of sex toy adaptations. There is the kind where you take a toy and change some aspect of it. You can build up a handle, change the switch, or attach the toy to something else that lets you use it. The other kind of adaptation is where you find a toy that may be intended for an entirely different purpose, but actually suits your needs.

Homemade adaptations (using grab bars, reachers, foam, tape, gloves, etc.) can be a great way to adapt a toy, and you don’t need to wait for an OT! If you stick to inexpensive toys, the adaptations will probably outlast the toy.

On the other hand, finding a toy that doesn’t need to be adapted at all can be good. For that you mostly need to be creative. A good example of this kind of adaptation is really long sex toys. At first you might think buying a vibrator that’s 14 inches long would be ridiculous. But if you’re someone who needs to get a complete firm grasp on a toy, and you have big hands, then your hand ends up covering most of the toy. You need those extra 5 inches just to get a good grip. There are other toys that are made as rings to wear around the penis, but work really well when strapped to hands and fingers. And then there are a thousand things you can do with remote control toys.

The benefit of not making a major adaptation to a toy is that you don’t usually need to rely on someone else to adapt it, it doesn’t cost you anything, and you only need to worry about the toy breaking, not the adaptation.

- Alice

Image taken from acsexxxable.ca

Guard Your Diamond

Here's a post on femininsting.com called "Why Glorifying Virginity is Bad for Women".

Please don't interpret this as a form of "virgin" or "chastity" bashing. Choosing to abstain from sex (in its various forms) is not necessarily a bad thing. However, the sexual double standard (virgin/whore) that women face when it comes to having/not having sex is an issue that must be taken seriously.

- Alice

Couple has sex on queen's lawn

Here's a short article from The Guardian which describes two people having sex on the lawn of the Windsor Castle for about 15 minutes. How's that for sex-positive activism? :P

- Alice

Broaden your masturbatory horizons!

I seem to be posting an awful lot today. Being stuck at the computer writing an essay does wonders for your internet searching skills :P.

I was checking out feministing.com when I came across this new weekly column where individuals can ask questions about sexuality. Here's one that I find useful:

Dear Professor Foxy,
I just want to start off with the fact that I am a virgin who practices abstinence. I practice because I choose to, not because I think it makes me morally better or something (it doesn't). I started masturbating a couple of years ago, and recently I've been trying to make a habit of it. I feel there is a lot of validity in discovering myself sexually and I personally think that a virgin can be sexual. But I'm also very confused about masturbatory techniques.

Currently, my technique is to stimulate the clitoris until it results in an orgasm. It's very effective and it works nearly every time. I've recently discovered that my inner labia likes being rubbed as well. This is the extent of how I masturbate. I mean, it works and everything but I don't know if it's enough. I thought that sexual discovery would be more work. I feel like I'm missing out on something.

What my question is, what are other techniques can I employ for sexual discovery and orgasming? Or is what I'm doing enough? Should I buy some toys? How can I help myself become more sexual?

Sincerely.

Hi Sincerely -
Virgins are sexual people too and finding out what feels good for you before you start having sex with other people is one way of having great sex with other people.

Sexual discovery can be as much work and fun as we like it to be. Becoming more sexual is a process of discovering what we like. People masturbate in many, many ways (I am sure the readers can suggest a bunch). Here are some ideas from me to get you started:
1. The shower or tub head: If you are lucky enough to have a detachable shower head, apply it to your vulva. You can also position your vulva underneath the tub head.
2. Other parts of the body: Do you touch your nipples when you masturbate? Rub your neck? Pull on your ears?
3. Penetration: You can start off easy with fingers in vagina or anus or both. Use lube for anal penetration and for all penetration make sure your nails are short and smooth. A good test is to run them across your palm. If they hurt there they may hurt when inside you. You can even do the two handed method with one hand penetrating and one rubbing your clit.
4. Watching yourself: Position a mirror at the end of the bed while you masturbate or just use it to explore your vulva. Way too few people (especially women) know what their genitals look like.
5. Toys: you can buy a vibrator or dildo or anal beads to try out.

Happy Sexing! - Alice

Event Hot Docs Film Festival

The 2009 Hotdocs film festival is featuring a number of documentaries about sex and sexuality. It runs from April 30th to May 10th. Click here for a link to the flims , to see the schedule and to purchase tickets!

- Alice

Hot & Cold Ceramic Dildo

I came across this dildo on a website that features "designer" sex toys. On cocodemer.com, it is priced at $190 USD... which I find pretty steep considering that it doesn't dance, light up or buzz lol. Yet, it does have an intriguing function. This dildo is hollow and it has a cork on one end, which allows you to fill it up with hot or cold water! What a cool/hot idea!

- Alice

Honey dust

Honey dust is an edible powder used as a skin conditioner. It is also a yummy way to make things interesting (by experimenting with smell/taste/texture) with yourself or with a partner(s). You can sprinkle it on skin, dust it around with feathers, put it on wet fingers/wet lips, use it to garnish cupcakes...the possibilities are endless.

It is made by the Kama Sutra line -- you can find it here or at most sex shops around town.

Alternatively, you can prepare honey dust yourself! A good friend of mine sent me this recipe. He says you have to really work it through with your fingers/sift it in order to get rid of clumps. Here it is:

1.5 Tablespoons of Vanilla Powder
1.5 Cups of Arrowroot Powder
2 Teaspoons of Honey
Mix the vanilla powder with the arrowroot powder. Add the honey.
With clean hands, work the mix with your fingers until the clumps become a fine powder.

- Vivian

Bikegasm

I came across this youtube video on another blog (see 'Bicycle Porn' posting). I wish I could say that I have that much fun riding my bike lol. Enjoy!

- Alice

Confidential Abortion Clinics in Toronto

Here is some general information about abortion procedures and abortion clinics in the city of Toronto from the hassle free clinic's website. Please feel free to contact us if you live outside of Toronto and we will help you find a clinic near you. The clinics listed on this page are confidential and do not require parental consent. They are covered by OHIP but will take women without health cards for a fee (depending on the procedure).

- Alice

Vulvar Vestibulitis (Vaginal Pain)

I was checking out the women's area of the hassle free clinic's website and I stumbled upon an interesting topic "painful sex". I had dinner with a friend of mine a while back who confided in me that she had pain during penis in vaginal intercourse. She and her partner had tried many different kinds of condoms, with no success. Even lambskin condoms which are recommended for individuals who have genital sensitivity did not help stop the pain. Vulvar Vestibulitis could have been the reason why she experienced pain.

According to the link that I've posted, Vulvar Vestibulitis is a condition where women experience irritation of the vulva due to swelling of the glands in the vestibule. It is very difficult to diagnose as many doctors do not know about this condition, and since a concrete way to test for this is not available. Moreover, treatment for this condition is totally up to the doctor's discretion and will vary.

If you have pain in the vaginal area when inserting fingers, penises, toys, tampons etc. it may be a good idea to speak to your doctor.

"Women may be told they have a low tolerance for pain or that their pain is caused by vaginismus (an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles making it difficult or impossible to insert anything inside the vagina). In many cases, this frequent misdiagnosis leaves women feeling frustrated and humiliated."

Be persistent! If they don't have an explanation for you, don't let them convince you that your pain doesn't exist. You feel pain, therefore it's exists!

- Alice

5 Myths About Sex

1. A woman cannot get pregnant when she's menstruating.
- Everyone's menstrual cycle is different and not completely stable. It is true that ovulation tends to occur before one's period; however, ovulation can periodically occur during or shortly after menstruation. Moreover, sperm can live in the vagina between 5 and 7 days.

The final verdict: pregnancy is extremely unlikely but always a possibility.

2. Withdrawal (pulling-out) is a safe method of contraception.
- This method is only about 19% effective, in comparison to using condoms which is about 99% effective. According to www.sexualityu.ca, pre-ejaculatory fluids from the penis can contain thousands of sperm. A friend of mine swears by this method because he hasn't gotten his long-term partner pregnant yet. But there could be other reasons why pregnancy has never occurred (ie: fertility, endometriosis, no sex during/near ovulation etc.)

The final verdict: Why take the risk when you could be covered up to 99% sans hormonal birth control? But if this has worked for you without any problems, power to you lol. Please not that this method also does not protect individuals against STIs & HIV.

3. Only people who sleep around get STIs or HIV.
- First of all, the assumption is that monogamous relationships are safe relationships. This is not true. There are people who are married for years and then suddenly contract HIV. I'm not saying that you shouldn't trust your partner, but that you shouldn't be under the impression that you are ever 100% safe.

- Secondly, I can't excuse the underlying value judgment inherent in this statement. I'm referring to the idea that "sleeping around" is somehow dangerous or bad (and skanky or slutty for women). Sometimes sex is just...well, sex. If you're uncomfortable having more than one sexual partner at a time then that's right for you, but that's not right for everyone.

The final verdict: if you have a sexual partner(s) you are always at risk of contracting something.

4. Hormonal birth control ensures the safety of your sex.
- Although these are very effect methods of contraception (anti-pregnancy), hormonal birth controls do not protect individuals from STIs & HIV.

The final verdict: protect yourself!!!

5. Oral sex isn't "Real" sex so I won't get an infection or disease.
- Firstly, there is yet another value judgment inherent in this statement. That "Real" sex is only that which occurs during heterosexual penis in vagina penetration. This devalues any sexual relationships which are not heterosexual, and any sex that falls outside this definition.

- Secondly, there are different risks for different sex methods and individuals. Here's an STD chart that we posted last month which outlines what to expect when engaging in sex. The risks involved in giving or receiving oral sex for women include herpes and possibly genital warts. This risks involved for giving or receiving for men include chlamydia, gonorrhea, hep a, herpes, genital warts, shigella, syphilis, hep b, hiv, and possibily hep c.

The final verdict: Sex is not limited to heterosexual intercourse. Masturbation, oral stimulation, anal sex, hand stimulation etc. etc. etc. are all sex! All sex (even masturbation if you have warts on your hands) can cause infection.

- Alice

Can christianity and sex coexist?

Pastor Carnell Borden and his wife have created an online sex shop for married couples who need to spice up their intimacy. They sell sex toys, lubes, massage kits, books etc. with an emphasis on the teachings of the bible. Here's an article with some more information.

"We pray about things before we add them to our site," she says. "We live our lives very openly in front of Jesus, so we just kind of pray for direction about which way he would have us go."

When I took a look at their site, I felt kind of conflicted. In one sense, it's kind of unsettling that they only condone certain sexual practices but not others, but on the other hand, they're opening up a space for individuals of the christian faith to challenge the sex*** taboo (even if it's only for those who are married). In any case, I hope that they have inspired and continue to inspire individuals to embrace their sex***!


***I use the term sex to refer to any sexually pleasurable activity that includes but is not limited to heterosexual intercourse (ie: masturbation, oral stimulation etc. are all sex in my books).

- Alice

Does Oral Sex Qualify as Sex?

Here's a great article that looks at how sex is defined. Most individuals limit sex to vaginal penetration of a penis. WASH's definition? Sex = all of the great activities that get you off! Whether it's masturbating on your own or getting someone else to help you, enjoy your sex!

- Alice

Sex, Bladder Infections & Vaginal Health

I've been reading "Vagina's an owner's manual" for the past few days, hence the little bits of info that have been posted. I'll write a book review soon. For now, here's some info about sex & infections that I found interesting:

1) thrusting of a penis or toy into the vagina pushes normal healthy bacteria from inside the vagina into the urethra, which can cause a burning sensation urinating the next day, and/or a bladder infection.

2) Having vaginal penetration many times in one day after a long period of no penetration may irritate the vaginal walls. Having a whole lot of sex suddenly also heats up the vaginal walls, which may cause normal vaginal fungus to multiply and turn into a yeast infection. This sudden increase in penetration will also shove lots of bacteria into the urethra, increasing chances of bladder infection.

So it's better to have sex everyday vs. 3 times in one day, but here's some advice for having lots of sex all of a sudden:
1) use lots of lube to make sure vaginal walls don't get irritated.
2) pee after sex to flush out bacteria from the urethra.
3) drink lots of water so that you can pee/flush bacteria out more often.

"Vaginas: An Owner's Manual" by Dr. Carol Livoti & Elizabeth Topp

- Alice